Swallowing my Pride and a Super-Sized Slice of Humble Pie

My Start, Stop, Steps to Sanity ... around Food

Becoming a vegan does not give one immunity from becoming a compulsive overeater. I should know - I’m both.  

And I suspect there are more compulsive overeaters amongst both vegans and those who consume meat, dairy and/or eggs than most of us would care to admit. 

Though being vegan may release one from food cravings, it is far from a guarantee. When I stopped eating meat 50 years ago,  I got the insane notion that eliminating meat, dairy and eggs gave me license to eat whatever, whenever and in whatever amounts I wanted.

Though eliminating the consumption of animals and milk and eggs stolen from them doesn’t automatically stop our food cravings and addictive behaviors, it does, however,  lessen our chances of gaining lots of weight from it. Conversely, it DOES increase our chances of losing it, no matter how much we eat.  This may sound nonsensical, but complicated (unprocessed) carbohydrates, like grains for example, can be eaten in excess and if underweight, will cause us to gain and if overweight, usually cause us to lose. Grains (complex carbs) are naturally balancing this way. 

Whether compulsively overeating results in gaining weight or not, this addiction is a serious problem, as serious as is an addiction to alcohol or drugs. It is therefore wise for us  to take note of whether or not we ARE compulsive overeaters and if we are to take our eating addiction as seriously as alcoholics and drug addicts take theirs.

Of course, unlike alcohol and drugs, the compulsive overeater, can’t just stop eating. That’s the rub or ... the rhubarb.  Well actually alcoholics don’t stop drinking everything. They still drink water, juices, etc., just not alcohol. The same with us. We don’t stop eating everything, just certain foods. 

As one suffering from this self-destructive ailment for years, I’ve been searching just as long, for a solution. I’d heard how damaging “diets” and dieting can be, most often allowing people to lose weight for a while, but all too soon, gain it all back, and then some. I knew I didn’t want to go that route.

Believe it or not, at one point, I was a hundred pounds more than I am today.  As a child, unlike my older sister who lingered at the table, nibbling on a chicken leg or breast, I had little interest in food.  I’d quickly eat and run off to play, draw or make a mess. I particularly hated eating chicken, disgusted by the dark blue-red veins, arteries, tendons and sinews.  Some people I leaflet reflect my sentiments saying: “meat is nasty!” ”meat is gross!” “meat is disgusting!” 

What got me to gain 100 pounds in a few years, prompting people to ask “are you pregnant?”?

As a teen, while living in a commune “Centers for Change,” in Hells Kitchen NYC, I found a job modeling for art classes. A fellow model told me artists liked interesting bodies, ones that had rolls of blubber. She ate cakes, cookies, pastries and other fattening foods to be an “interesting model.” Ridiculous, right?!  None the less, I followed her suggestion and gained 100 lbs and rolls of blubber “for the artists’ sake” of course.

Years later and early on in my transition to veganism, I reasoned that since I’d eliminated the unhealthy animal foods, I could eat however much of the other (“healthy”) foods I wanted. 

One day, I counted the date pits scattered on my plate. There were 35!. I’d left NOT one date uneaten.  Dates for me were probably the equivalent of potato chips for others. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. And I couldn’t NOT start. Before I realized the horrific cruelty of honey and that it was basically the vomit of bees regurgitating from one to another, I used to eat gobs of it mixed with peanut butter. It was almost pure S.O.S. (Sugar Oil Salt) that many vegans these days are learning to eliminate for health reasons. 

A little while after turning vegan, at a chubby 200 pounds, I made a decision to lose my girth. I put faith in the power of the mind to shape my life and my body. Within three years, I went from 200 to 185 to 160 to 135 (at which I stayed for a while), then 120 and now,100.  Last year, when I fell and was unable to walk downstairs, my son scooped me up, carried me down to his car, saying “you’re a lightweight.”.

At 74, I’m now more active than at 24. I do yoga, including abdominal leg lifts (developing a noticeable six pack), running, biking and pull ups.  I consume mostly raw, unprocessed, whole, organic, plant-based foods.

Because of all this, I don’t gain weight. Nonetheless I suffer from compulsive overeating. I feel totally out of control, especially in the evenings and nights. This causes me to get insufficient deep and restful sleep, to feel anxious around meals and for my stomach to be unhappy at expanding beyond its normal and well functioning capacity.  

Something is definitely wrong. In this malaise, I did find Overeaters Anonymous (OA). Again. And then, again, over the years, numerous times. In the last year, I attended and spoke up (and cried) at a few online meetings, read literature and listened to online meetings and special presentations. It was only recently, however, when I came across a many-hours-long (9 part) presentation and study of the OA Big Book, that I began to feel hope.

 Even though the “Big Book” is written for alcoholics; some of its language is antiquated; and it addresses only men, it nonetheless is filled with helpful and potentially healing gold nuggets. It turns out that the program of recovery that works well for alcoholics, works just as well for us compulsive overeaters.

Many people who suffer from this unhealthy relationship with food and even in Overeaters Anonymous (OA) itself, don’t realize the importance of studying, really studying this beautiful, blessed Big Book, the only accepted text of the Anonymous programs. That’s a shame. And I wonder why it isn’t promoted and disseminated more widely.

Whether or not you identify with or wish to admit to any particular addiction, are yourself in any Anonymous programs or even consider yourself to have a healthy relation to food, I encourage you to check out the youtube presentations entitled: “OA Big Book Study in Copenhagen” by Lawrie C (Sept. 20-22, 2013.).

This Canadian, Lawrie, recovered overeater (of 20+ years) opens the door to our understanding of the Big Book. He shares the story of his own overeating and weight problems and final recovery. Interestingly, he’d been in OA six years and constantly relapsed, until, discovering the Big Book. With the help of a recovered alcoholic and fellow overeater, he gained a deeper, more useful understanding of the program, the 12 steps and how to apply them … as presented in the Big Book (BB). This helped him finally recover and stay recovered for 20 years!!! 

It also meant he no longer had any desire for the foods he once craved and could not stop eating. They were like poison to him. It meant he felt no resentment towards the people he was with who were eating them. It meant he ate reasonable portions of all the other foods and grew to enjoy them. It meant he lost sufficient weight to currently be at a “healthy” weight, according to his doctor.

Lawrie likens the 12 steps to the ingredients and the Big Book to the recipe. The Big Book, he says, gives the how of the program - how to work the 12 steps how to “work the program.” If you want to create a tasteful, healthy dish, it helps to follow the recipe, not just throw the ingredients together, mix and eat.

Lawrie explains that the Big Book was written by the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Bill Wilson, to allow those who would never meet him in person, who lived far away and/or lived after he was gone, to understand how to use the 12 steps, carry out the program and attain sobriety.  Before AA groups and the Big (instructional) Book, alcoholics died on the streets or if they were lucky, were brought to hospitals where they dried out, usually, however, only for a spell, after which they’d return to their addiction and die sooner than later.

After listening several times to Lawrie explain the OA Big Book, what I found most helpful was discovering the expressed view by “the doctor” (Dr Silkworth)(from the letter in the introduction) that alcoholism (compulsive overeating etc) is a physical addiction and therefore is to be considered an illness, not a result of a failure of willpower or a defect of character. He calls it a physical illness and a mental obsession. The physical addiction is the result of an “allergy” to certain foods. The allergy doesn’t cause hives, rashes or swelling of the throat, but rather an intense physical craving for particular foods; cravings, which the mind cannot overcome. 

The Big Book (BB) instructs people to make a list of foods that once you start eating, you can’t stop.  They are the ones about which you think “i could never give up that. I’d have no more pleasure in life if I did.”  These are the kinds of sentiments I hear often expressed by meat, dairy and/or egg eaters. “Oh I could never give up ribs” or “...steak” or “...cheese” or even “...eggs.” Is it possible meat, dairy and/or egg consumers are addicted to those foods? Could they be so allergic to them, that their bodies react with a craving, a craving they feel their minds can’t overcome? Should we create another anonymous program for them? Meat Eggs Dairy (MED) Anonymous (MA). It could be also for people addicted to MEDs. (See Plants over Pills?)

The list of foods from which one must abstain in order to begin working the steps is different for different people. For example, for Lawrie, on the dessert side, it was fatty foods primary derived from animal milk such as ice cream, butter, creams, cheeses and milk itself. On the main course side, it was greasy, deep fried foods, like chicken, burgers, steaks.  Though reluctant at first, he did abstain and after six years of relapsing, was able to do it for good (20 years). 

Many vegans could possibly have saved Lawrie time and grief by telling him early on that milk from a cow (or goat or whomever) and all products produced from milk from animals are in themselves addictive. Dr Neal Bernard, author of “The Cheese Trap: How Breaking a Surprising Addiction Will Help You Lose Weight, Gain Energy, and Get Healthy” explains:

“Loaded with calories, fat, and cholesterol, cheese can make you gain weight and leads to a host of health problems like high blood pressure and arthritis. Worse, it [bolding mine] contains mild opiates that make it addictive, triggering the same brain receptors as heroin and morphine” and “Fragments of cheese protein, called caso-morphins, attach to the same brain receptors as heroin and other narcotics.”

The growth hormones also naturally occurring in momma cow’s milk insures that her baby, the calf, will grow quickly, to be able to run from predators, like tigers and lions. This growth hormone is perfect for the rapid growth of the baby cow, but for humans, not good at all. It makes cancerous tumors grow. “No thanks!” 

The addictive nature of the caso-morphins in momma cows milk is nature’s way of insuring the calf, will continually return to drink and thus grow fast. One can deduce from this addictive aspect of cow’s milk that going vegan, not eating animal products, including dairy, is a great way to free oneself from a food which in and of itself is addictive and which causes an allergic reaction which in turn causes a craving and the desire to eat more and more of these milk products, a vicious cycle.

By the way, the phosphorus in cow’s milk is six times that of human breast milk with a phosphorus to calcium ratio way too high for human babies, thus creating an acidic reaction and weakening baby’s initial cartilage and later, bones. 

It’s not hard to deduce: Cow’s milk is for baby cows. Human milk is for baby humans. Nature has this stuff pretty well figured out. She’s hoping we humans can depend on and return to her wisdom. If human babies drinking cow’s milk meant for cow babies isn’t weird enough, human adults drinking cow milk meant for cows’ babies (or consuming products from it) is even weirder, the proverbial (unhealthy) icing on the (unhealthy) cake! 

Anyway, it isn’t strange that these (fatty) milk products were first on Lawrie’s list of foods to avoid in order to be abstinent and able to work the OA program. I also noticed that elsewhere in his talk, seemingly unrelated, he mentions that after growing up eating dead animals, “meat,” especially the skin and other body parts deep fried in oil, he no longer eats meat of any kind at all. 

We hope eventually, he’ll realize it’s unnatural for us human herbivores to prey on other animals for any foods. We hope he’ll understand that we’re not designed to be graveyards for dead animal body parts, nor to drink milk meant for their babies, nor to steal eggs meant to become baby chicks. We hope he’ll acknowledge that it’s cruel, oppressive and exploitative. We hope he’ll realize that the result is disease, planetary destruction and a normalization of violence to “the other.” 

There’s lots more to tell but for now I’ll  simply encourage you to check out these talks on the OA Big Book. OA Big Book Study - part 1/9:

Perhaps in a future article, I’ll share the intriguing stories of how the founders of AA  stumbled upon the method;  how Carl Jung’s insights inspired the spiritual basis of AA; about “the little doctor who loved drunks;” how atheists deal with step two, (believing in a higher power) and how I, myself,  am still connecting the dots, the do’s and do nots; and finally, how, in doing step 4 of the 12 step program, I came to Swallow my Pride and a Super-Sized Slice of Humble Pie.